Assorted

When his friends call him backward, Jon sneers:

"I am very advanced in some spheres.

With my jigsaw techniques,

I can do in six weeks

Puzzles clearly marked '2-4 years'."

The fellows at Ford, a fair company,

 Reject lots of cars, but don’t dompany.

They sensibly lodge ’em

At fairgrounds (think ‘dodgem’)

 And warn all the kids not to bompany.

Grant me tolerance, Lord, when my Ben

Has a yearning to stray once again.

Grant me patience at length,

But do not grant me strength,

For I'll beat him to death, Lord. Amen.

Though they felt he was fine as a Dr,

Most girls were quite weary of Prr.

If she came through his door,

Whether virgin or whore,

Dr Prr deFrr and Cr.

Blondes are easy to please, it appears,

For their eyes seem to sparkle, the dears,

When you give them a cheap

Little flashlight to keep

And to shine in their pretty pink ears.

Birds are creatures who purge from on high

As they flap, and they crap in my eye.

Though they do make me mad,

They remind me I'm glad

That the featherless pig cannot fly.

In horrible halls of hot Hades

 Reside lovely lades-now-shades.

All the Greeks feel quite pleased

 (If they’re males) when diseased,

 As the shades are really no lades.

"I think God uses bathrooms," sighed Claire,

"But it makes Daddy angry and swear.

If Mommy is slow

When he's wanting to go,

He shouts, "God! Whatcha doing in there!?"

The limerick-writer’s soiled pp

Grew gradually cleaner for aa

Till he started conceding

His wit was receding

By mucking out cc for ww

If you can't haul your ass up steep ridges

Or safely allow it on bridges,

Perhaps it's high time

You were told in rude rhyme

You should keep your fat ass out of fridges.

Because limerick writers tease Sioux

 By misspelling Sioux words line canioux,

They loathe our twee rhymes

And have warned me three times

That the tomahawk’s used by Sioux tioux.

 I’ll ignore both Miss World and Miss Universe,

Prissy prim girls who’d sooner verse

 Men in world peace

Than get drunk on cassis.

 It’s a mindset, alas, that can ruin a verse.

Swiss shepherds take care when they yodel,

For valley and wood and low road'll

Be avalanche-strewn

If they choose the wrong tune.

The safe modal to yodel is nodal.

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To prevent avalanches, the form (modal) of the shepherd's voice (yodel) needs to approach the point of zero wave amplitude (nodal) to ensure minimum surface vibration when the bimodal, or perhaps even the intermodal considerations — listen, I'm just a limerick writer, not a clever Swiss shepherd.

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